(warning: contains ALL the spoilers for this episode)

Preface: On Bachelor nights, sometimes (okay, most of the time), Kristy and I go to Menchie’s, bring home our frozen yogurt, freeze it for a few hours, and eat it while we watch quality television programming. So, that’s what we did. However, as Kristy was loading marshmallows on the top of her yogurt cup, she knocked the entire cup over. I walked over to her and found her hurriedly scooping up the felled toppings and whispering, “be cool! be cool!” maniacally to herself as she replaced them into the cup.

As the opening credits for The Bachelor ran, Kristy looked at me and said, “I think I’m hungry – have you ever felt that?” A spoonful of frozen yogurt topped with Reese’s was halfway to my mouth as I said, “Um, rude,” and continued to shovel it into my mouth.

We join this episode midway through the previous episode; it begins with Ben taking Olivia away from the group and questioning her about what the other women had been saying about her. She immediately says that she can’t relate to the girls because she likes reading books in her room and “thinking. That’s what I do.” …. Okay, Olivia. Okay. Cut to the girls speculating on Ben sending Olivia home. Cut back to Olivia bashing the girls for liking to paint their nails. Cut to the girls hoping and praying for Olivia’s departure. Cut back to Olivia crying, saying that she likes to smile and be nice. Ben walks back to the group, Olivia in hand, and the girls are ME in this moment.

“I don’t know what he sees in her that we don’t see.” – Jennifer

“WHAT THE FUCK. HOW IS HE FALLING FOR THIS ACT OF HERS? HER TEARS ARE FAKE AS FUCK!” – Emily (correct reaction, Emily. Correct).

Blah blah, rose ceremony. Girls get roses. Also…Leah… I don’t even know Leah. She has flown under the radar this whole time. But, she gets a rose. I like her braid. Emily gets the last rose, and that means Jennifer is going home. Any chance of “Bennifer” is now destroyed. Oh well, the original Bennifer didn’t last either.

The previews for what’s coming up after this commercial break is just close-ups of every single girl crying and Olivia smirking with her enormous mouth on the beach. I finish off my Menchies as we wait. Read more