So this week, we have perhaps the most boring episode of The Bachelor in Bachelor history. Let’s get to it.

This week the group is in Warsaw, Indiana, Ben’s hometown, and coincidentally, “The Orthopedic Capitol,” or so says their sign.

The girls enter Warsaw by walking through a park and throwing leaves at each other.

• Stephen: “Awwww yeah!”
• Kristy: “Do you think they are going to get naked or something?”
• Stephen: “Awwww yeah!”

(Also, there’s a crazy commercial for “Bai”, an antioxidant drink in which a horse does the grapevine while being told to “sideways fancy prance, ya hear?” Okay. That’s it)

My favorite little bunny Lauren B. gets the first date, and I LOVE THEM. Ben stops by what used to be a movie theatre and tells a story about his first kiss. It’s adorable. He re-enacts it with Lauren and it’s just SO MUCH CUTE. They then head to a youth center where Ben used to work

Lauren and Ben interact with the kids and the kids looooove Lauren. Also, her cartwheel was incredible. I wish I had those skills. These kids were pulling around that little baby bunny like she was a ragdoll. There was a bet that if one of the kids made a half-court shot, Ben would have to kiss Lauren. The shot is sunk and they kiss. One of the kids says, “Lauren and Ben just squishy-squshed!” Then, inexplicably, some of the Indiana Pacers show up. Because, of course they do.

The night portion of the date arrives and bunny and Ben go to a bar and then back to his hotel room to talk about the comments that were made about her last week. Ben reassures her that he thinks nothing of them, and they continue being the cutest thing EVER. I think I said, “They’re so adorable” about 18, 568 times.

Me: “Aw! They’re soooooo cute.”
Kristy: “They are! And I haven’t seen HER tongue once!”

BUNNY SAID SHE’S IN LOVE. Kristy and I audibly “awwwww”-ed. Let’s end the show here. Done. Over.

JoJo gets the next one on one. They go to Wrigley Field. I like JoJo, but I am so bored by them together. Ben says he feels passion and a deep relationship. I feel nothing. I’m still bored. Blah blah blah JoJo is scared. He questions her feelings. I remain super bored.

Brief Intermission while I find something floating in my tea.

Me: “There’s a bug in my soup. Nope. This is tea. Wait? IS it a bug?”
Kristy: “Could it be a part of the tea?”
Me: “Maybe? Looks twig-like. I’m gonna go with it.”

Back to the JoJo/Ben conversation. I’m sure I didn’t miss anything. Still bored. We get to the end of the date and JoJo full on grabs Ben’s ass.

Me: “JOJO! Heyyyyyyyy!”
Kristy: Okay, I see that! Did your family want to see that JoJo? Because they’re going to!

The group date is awkward. Amanda and Becca get their own rowboat while Caila and Ben get to be Allie and Noah.

Amanda says she’s going to squeeze her kids.

Becca tells Ben not to blindside her.

Caila is moss looking for a steady tree.

“When I say I have great women here…. You are the women I’m talking about.” What an amazing clarification, Ben. Unfortunately, he can only choose one woman to continue the night with, and he picks Amanda. They go on a date to shamelessly plug McDonalds.

They work the drive-thru window at McDonalds. I don’t think this is legal. It seems highly illegal, actually. Her hair isn’t pulled back. I didn’t see anyone verify their food handlers’ permits. Irresonpsible, Chris Harrison. Just irresponsible. Amanda says she’s shocked that there’s more to the date, and that she would have been so happy if McDonald’s was their entire date. #eyeroll #shamelessproductplacement

They later go to a carnival that appears to be just a party for Ben. He mentions again that it’s a small town. Which makes me wonder… I bet some of those kids from the youth center are also here tonight. Bet they’re confused about what happened to Lauren. Who’s Amanda? You were just kissing Lauren.

Oh geez. They’re on a ferris wheel. Is he really just trying to recreate The Notebook? Row boats? Check. Carnival? Check. Ferris Wheel? Check. Next week he will build one of them a house. Stay tuned.

Okay, we are finally on to the third and final one on one date. It’s with Emily. It’s so clear right off the bat that she’s #friendzoneEmily. I’m already bored. Ben, completely inexplicably, takes Emily to meet his parents. Emily lets them know that ducks don’t live in Vegas. Good start.

I feel bad for Emily. She has the best of intentions, but she isn’t the greatest conversationalist. Ben’s mom starts to cry just thinking about Ben ending up with Emily. That’s gotta hurt. Ben questions his relationship with Emily after his family’s reaction and he takes her to the breakup bench. Emily clearly thinks it’s the headed-for-marriage bench. She does not see the devastation that’s to come. Poor little twinster.

Ben tells her he doesn’t see her as his wife. He’s sad. She’s sad. The other women are watching through the window and they’re sad. She reacts very well though; they hug, and he boats away. She’s super classy in her exit interview and I remember that I like Emily. She’s definitely not right for Ben, but I like her.

It’s time for the rose ceremony, and, long story short, Becca predictably goes home. I shall miss her perfect hair and perfect everything.

The scenes for next week look dramatic. But so did the scenes for this week. Let’s hope next week is better.